Even though I had returned to indulge in the comforts of home. I still had within me the inescapable void of a major loss. Herein you will spiral into the casm with me.
When I got to Tyler, I had no idea what to expect but what I had found was as foriegn to me as anything I could have ever possibly imagine. First thing I needed was a job so I searched the want ads for gainful employment. The first thing I had noticed was all the posted listings were for wages that were close to half of what I was used to making for the same jobs. I eventually landed a position working for a landscape maintenance firm. I didn’t last very long there because frankly the position I applied for and was hired on for was a desired spot and I was shoved into a lesser role mainly because I really didn’t care for the workplace atmosphere. The guy I was put under was a nincompoop. He got both of us into trouble two times by doing the wrong jobs at the wrong locations. I was like I am not going to work with this idiot and just didn’t go into work one day.
I felt miserable for doing that but I was crippled with anxiety and didn’t want to go to work. My sister asked me if I was going to work or not and I just looked at her rather blank saying they are gonna fire me anyways. She just looked at me as if she could sense something was wrong and asked if I was hungry.
She fed me and made sure I didn’t go hungry but she didn’t let me ride for free. Her husband ended up being one of the coolest guys I had ever met. He would give me twenty bucks here and there for doing odd things.
I would find momentary happiness in playing with the kids and playing my drums. But the void was vast and it was consuming me bit by bit. I had gotten skinny like a hundred thirty pounds. All the money I had went to feeding Shadow and another puppy I had picked up her name was Sadie she was a Weimeraner/ Labrador mix black as sin with big yellow eyes.
We had gotten her and another litter mate the same night. I had no idea what I was doing but I was trying to replace something I had lost. What I had lost was something I shoved away.
Now that I know what was going on I can see what I was doing but back then I was falling into a casm and was grasping at anything I could grab hold of as I spiraled down on my decent.
One Saturday morning I had woken up in a good mood but noticed something was odd. My familiar companion Shadow wasn’t there being a nuisance as he always was.
I was staying with my brother in a two bedroom trailer house that was in the lot next to my sisters. So to get some sleep I would shut the door and let Sadie and Shadow out into . the common area, something my brother hated. So out of frustration he let them outside to go play. This was after I had gone to sleep he forgot to let them back in.
Back to the absence of my annoying pets. I asked my Brother where they were he didn’t know so I set out to find them whistling and calling I received no reply which was odd because normall all I had to do was whistle once and clap twice and in a cloud of dust they would come running to play.
This bothered me so I searched the roadside thinking the worst. Then eventually discovering my worst fears to be true. I found Daisy which was the litter mate dead and Sadie just barely alive and in bad bad shape. I was crying and screaming obscenities to God and anyone who could hear me I carried her to the house and laid her body in my bed coverings to try and ease her pain. But where was Shadow? I was freaking out calling out for him I woke up everyone in the park. Asking if they had seen him to no avail. Then I, the mess that I was, went back to the house bawling like a child who had been told no. Heard a slight whimper as I stepped up into the doorway. I was Shadow, he was underneath. So I crawled under there with all the spiders, ants, scorpions, sticker weeds and briars. To find him wedged in a place that I couldn’t get him out. He scared me because as I got close to touch him he growled at me so as to tell me not to even think about touching him.
Then I crawled closer I could see why. His front leg was broken in a compound fracture. I nearly vomited for one the sight and how I imagined it must have made him feel. I loved that dog even more than myself. So I laid there next to him I managed to get close enough to cradle his giant head in my arms and stroke his gentle face telling him I loved him and that I would make it better to just stay put and I would get him out of there. He just looked at me like. ” you big giant dummy I’m not moving a damn thing!”
After I had crawled back out I ran to my Sisters house to ask for some tools to remove the underpinning so I could free him from his hiding spot. While she was getting the tools I used the phone and Called a new friend I had made who was friends with both my Brother and Sister and asked him to bring a shotgun over explaining what had happened. He told me to calm down and take them both to the Vet that he had an account with them and I could put the bill on his Tab.
I loaded them both up into my car trying to make it as comfortable for them as I could I took them in. My sister went with me. We put daisy in a trash bag and loses her into the trunk. Reason being it was against the law to bury animals in city limits.
when we arrived They already knew we were coming and had a stretcher ready and waiting. We took Sadie and Shadow inside. Shadow was a sport once we got him out of the car he started walking like it was nothing just raising his broken leg so I led him in. No need for a stretcher. My Sister carried Sadie in. The vet looked them over and Sadie had massive internal injuries and had to be put down. Shadow on the other hand was quite different. Like he knew everything would be fine.
All was well. He was set to go into surgery to set the broken bones with an external rig type splint. Monday Morning I took him home.
To repay my debt I batters a trade of labor for the balance of the bill. It took me two weeks of steady work clearing brush on a lot of land that my friend had bought to park his trailer on.
sometimes good things are spawned from bad. The friend liked the way that I worked and started finding me more and more work to do to which I obliged. It was good hard work and I made some money.
-To be continued-